Ever have your life going along just fine, thank you very much, and then POW, life delivers a one-two punch that changes things forever. When that happens, it can rock you right off center. I don’t know about you, but it humbles me and brings into sharp focus how fragile life is.

None of us are immune to these things. It’s all a part of life. We’ve lost pets, changed jobs, moved, dealt with illness and lost loved ones. And that doesn’t even begin to scratch the surface of what life can bring. The one thing we can all count on, life will bring change and it won’t always be change we want.

Typically I can have two re-actions to these kinds of crisis. I can throw myself into work until I drop trying to “catch up.” Or I walk away feeling totally overwhelmed saying, “I’ll do it tomorrow.”

Neither action solves the problem. Let’s take the first example, I throw myself into work. The problem, I’m already depleted because of the crisis I’m dealing with. Therefore, I’m not very effective. And when I start working all the hours I can muster, it typically doesn’t take me long “to drop” either. Actually, it’s not uncommon for me to “drop” right into some kind of cold, flu or some other stress related illness. Ringing any bells with you?

Great. Now I get to be mad at myself for getting sick as well as being behind. I don’t want to do anything, plus I’m fairly ineffective because I’m unwell! Not a great combination for success.

I don’t fare much better in the second scenario, walking away in overwhelm saying, “I’ll do it tomorrow.” This produces guilt plus a mountain of (ever increasing) undone work and broken promises. Why? Because of course, I don’t do it tomorrow. Nothing has magically changed. I’m still in overwhelm. And the situation snowballs. I’m further behind and feel guilty too. It’s not unusual for me to add that cold or flu into this scenario as well.

The typical end result of both of those scenarios is being so far behind that everything feels hopeless.

Time for Triage

What I talked about in the last ezine issue wasn’t theoretical. I was climbing out of overwhelm and regaining control. I don’t mean to amp up the drama here. But if you’re dealing with “high marks on the stress chart” your energy and focus are most likely going elsewhere. That means everything else is going to get short shrift including your business. (My Google search turned up this stress chart. According to this chart my stress score at the end of last summer was 378)! http://sweetchillisauce.com/Letters/Stresspic.html

Tom and I were dealing with death, sickness, his job change, and moving from one coast to another (and those are just the big ones). Talk about emotionally draining times. But I could have made it much easier on myself and everyone else around me. I could have been pro-active rather than re-active. I needed to do early triage.

Getting Really Honest

With everything (unplanned) that was happening, I was not going to complete everything I wanted to do. It was time to stand back and be the CEO rather than the “technician” (E-Myth, by Michael Gerber). I needed to make some business decisions. Tough to do? Of course it is. Some things are going to be cut out and not get done. That’s never an easy process. Plus there is another dynamic going on. Getting caught up in the drama makes for a lot of energy. All that energy can be pretty appealing. Unfortunately, it is negative energy.

When life turned things upside down on me, I decided not, – yes – not, to be rigorously honest with myself. I kept saying to myself and anyone else who would listen that I was going to do this, and then going to do that, and then going to… You get the picture.

I continued that behavior until my “red flag” (pushing my email send and receive button) broke through my stubborn hold on avoidance! That’s when I got honest with myself. That’s when I acknowledged I was out of balance and not in any kind of control. It only took a few minutes with “Back to Basics,” (yes, that’s all it took) to get myself back on track. I’m not saying that everything got fixed that day, but I got focused. I was on my way.

You know what else, I can pretty much tell you the day I choose overwhelm. I know when things are knocked off track (just like you do). And I know, realistically that whatever I had planned didn’t include this “change.” But I decided to lie to myself and pretend that I could get it all done and push myself into overwhelm.

Do you relate? Well there’s hope. Here’s what I could have done to avoid the heartache and stress. Triage. I needed to “sort my victims” as Dictionary.com defines “triage.” I needed to “determine priorities for action in time of emergency.” There was no other way to avoid chaos and ultimately getting really stuck. Because (again) the truth was I was not going to get it all done. But how do you do triage when you’re in chaos?

It’s Time for STOP

• Step Back
• Think
• Organize your list of things to be done
• Pluck*

Obviously, what Tom and I were going through was hard. But tucking my head under my unconscious wing didn’t help. I added a lot of stress to my life (and Tom’s) because I didn’t take a realistic look at my business. I also amped up my feelings of overwhelm. If I had paired down my list to what I absolutely could get done and let the rest go (till later or maybe forever), life would have been much easier. Things that were really important to me would have gotten done. And no one would have expected things from me that I couldn’t deliver. (That in itself is a big guilt reliever.)

It’s Your Choice – Damage Control or Damage Prevention

Here’s what the STOP does for you. You get to step back and get out of the “doing” mode (which can also be avoiding mode) for that CEO bigger picture point of view.

1. Take a quiet moment to think on paper so you can organize the list of things that you’d like to get done.
2. Give them a time in your calendar.
3. Tell everyone who is expecting something from you when they will get it, or if they won’t get it.

Number three above is really critical to your piece of mind. It stops those “broken promises.” The things you say you’ll do and there is no way you’ll ever have time to get them done.

Bottom line. You will not get to some things. It can’t be helped. There is nothing you can do about that. You don’t have time. But make sure everyone knows what they can or cannot expect from you. No surprises.

You may not like having to do this. But don’t you think it is better you decide what will, and what won’t, get done, rather than leaving it to chaos to decide. If you let chaos decide you end up dealing with guilt because of those broken promises and missed deadlines. Damage prevention is often difficult but it is always easier than damage control.

When life delivers a curve ball use a STOP to do triage and Back to Basics to get back on your way.

Then everyone knows what to expect plus the important things get done.

Please let me know if this ezine hits home with you and if the ideas and tools are helpful.

Comments? Leave one below!

Warmly,

Jillian Middleton

*Shamelessly adapted from The Inner Game of Work, by Timothy Gallwey

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